Up and down

 

  

The things that brought me joy this week...

 

 

A beautiful day where the sun came out and I walked to pick up my oldest from the bus stop. Everytime I put those kids on that bus, I give a piece of my heart away. I love greeting my boys after school because I know they are home safe and they are mine again.

 

 

 

That same night I stepped outside the front door and into an amazing sunset.

*****

Helping the little guy rock out his preschool workbook. He is doing awesome with writing and circling.

 

 

 

 

Cuddling and watching Mickey Mouse with Coley after school, mac 'n cheese lunches, and taking better care of myself.

 

 

 

 

Smoothie, Sambucus, Vitamin B12, Fish Oil, Probiotic, 2x Curcumin

*****

 

Friday we went on a snowy drive over to my sister's house. By this point in the week I was beginning to feel sick again, drained and exhausted, but I desperately needed to get the kids and myself out of the house. The sun was out and when the sun is out, I must be dilligent, especially in the winter, to get outside for a little bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love being around the kiddos. Even on the hardest days, their elevated energy and bright spirits are enough to make me smile!

 

 

I ended the weekend pretty much in bed because my energy has gone on a far away vacation. I don't know where it went running off to, I'm sure it got sick of winter and high tailed it to Florida, but I really need for it to come back. If you are listening energy, juju, Kacy spark... please come back. I promise I will make good use of you and won't take you forgranted again.

In the mean time, I am trying not to let the up and downs of life get the best of me. I have been able to spend time inward, deep into the space away from the pain where my faith and love hold onto me. In that space I am sometimes reminded that I will not feel this way forever, I will overcome the afflictions that hold me down. I will be victorious someday. But today there is still grace and there is still beauty and there is most definitely love.

This little friend is a box full of love and light.

A Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) light box. I cuddled this thing today and a heating pad. Tomorrow it's time to start yoga and I am going to be intentional about using some of my free time to exercise. This is a new beginning. Sometimes it takes a round of sickness and energy depletion to set your priorities straight.

 

 

Okay Februray, bring us all lots of love. Please. :)

 

*****

Winter funk be gone

My body is battling a virus and I think I am winning. I was feeling really bad, made sure to double up on all my vitamins and eat tons of veggies and fruits plus gargle every few hours with Apple Cider Vinegar and it is working. Hallelujah! I don't have much time to sit and write now but here is a follow up to my last post.

 

Wanna know how to beat winter blues and sickness funk? Spend a Saturday night drinking wine and cutting and coloring your own hair. Even if it doesn't turn out perfectly, who cares? It's only hair and it will grow back. It seems like every winter I go through this funk and chop my hair off. I didn't cut it very short this time but I did cut bangs and I am so happy I did.

 

How do you like the new me? I feel grown up.

Have a great and restful Sunday. xoxo

When the rain (eh hem snow) comes...

I went back and forth about whether I should write about how I am feeling today because when I feel this way (which sadly is at least monthly and more often lately because I get a mad case of seasonal depression and have for as long as I can remember), I often think of this Avett Brothers lyric that says "I would voice my pain, but the change wouldn't last."  Will it really make a difference if I put a voice to my pain right now while I am suffering with it, knowing that it will find it's way out of me soon if I shall let it pass? On one hand I know that this feeling of affliction, being overwhelmed, a constant nagging and worrying that something is just not right even though you can't figure out why, coupled with a crack in my emotional state, is caused by a few different things. On the other hand, even knowing doesn't always bring me comfort when I am feeling this way. Nonetheless, I have been around long enough to recognize just what it is that brings me back to this place time and again in my life.

Here is the list: 1. Hormone fluctuations. Being a woman has never been an easy task for me, and I envy my husband's manhood sometimes. He's just so much more emotionally stable than me and it's not fair. He never calls me up crying in the middle of the day saying he can't stand his coworkers or his job is overwhelming him. He doesn't text me that when he gets home from work he's going to hide under the covers and let me handle dinner. Nope..never.

2. Lack of sleep- (hmm..ran out of coffee today, too.)

3. The heaviness of winter that blankets me and overwhelms me. Although very beautiful, it makes me feel stuck sometimes.

 4. Sickness- Honestly it scares me as a mama when my kids get sick. I feel vulnerable and don't know how to fix them especially when they run really high fevers for days. I think this entire episode has spun off of that feeling. They won't take their medicine or eat or drink or do any of the things that will make them better. It is maddening! And I keep playing nurse, washing my hands, knowing that I am a ticking time bomb for this same plague and it will likely knock me out way harder than it knocks them out AND I will still be on call.

 

5. The energy depletion that comes from just being a mama and giving and giving until you have nothing left to give, at all hours of the day and night, plus the mental worry and guilt that makes me feel like I am just never doing quite enough. This, without a doubt, can also be maddening to a woman if she lets it! I have to tell myself that I AM doing enough, I am doing damn well enough and if I could do any better than I am, then I of all people would be doing it! All of us would. We can only do the very best that we can with what we are given. Sometimes telling myself these things knocks those thoughts right out of my brain, sometimes not. The most important thing to remember while I am feeling low is that my children are a gift and not a burden, even when they are demanding so much of me.

 

 6. Lack of being kind to myself this week- I need to make sure I eat as healthy as I can, take my vitamins and get some exercise. I just feel exhausted and try as I might to find the grace in today because I swear to you I'm searching for it, I just really don't see it- yet. It's 3:51 pm and it's Friday so we've still got time. Bring it to me, cause I can't go searchin' for it. I often think of the saying (and in my best southern accent), "Lord, don't teach me nothin' new today!" The only new thing I wish to learn today is that I am strong enough to get through it. I need rest for my weary soul...

and sunshine....

the beach would be nice....

or really, I'd just take a nap.....


THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I am wishing you all a very happy weekend..I'll be ok, promise, and likely will come back tomorrow giving it my best go at being optimistic once more.

 

 

Our week in photos

Blustery cold days spent inside with...

 

 

Finger puppet shows

 

Laundry Folding Party

Afternoons with the littlest while brother is at school

 

Today my oldest and I woke up with belly aches. He has a fever and I only got a few hours of sleep last night, but the sun is shining brightly and we are spending time in bed watching movies, drinking smoothies and discussing what kind of great adventures we will take once we are well again. I think him being home today is a blessing. I cherish this one on one time with my kiddos.

 

 

 

 

Wishing you a very happy and healthy week. We promise to keep our germs away. xoxo

All alone at the zoo

Last week was very cold and gray, but the sun made a spectacular appearance on Friday, streaming in through the front windows of the house and kissing the tops of the boys heads as they played on their computers. I peaked my head outside and felt that, while still cold, it was not freezing and I yelled to the boys, "Let's go to the zoo!" A quick call to my sister and we had a winter zoo date set.

 

I was so excited to get outside, take pictures, allow my body to do it's glorious work of making Vitamin D under the sun's rays so I could boost my mood and energy a bit (it worked!!) But the boys were not as thrilled when we got there and set in complaining that they were cold and thirsty.

 

 

 

I will admit that this trip to the zoo was far less for them to see animals than it was for their mama to get out of the house after a week inside, so I quickly corralled them into the coffee shop by the main entrance. Two steaming cups of hot chocolate for all the kiddos and a white mocha for me. Sad faces gone, bodies warm, mittens on; away we went.

 

 

There were only a few brave souls to venture out on a 43 degree Midwest day and so we quickly discovered that we had the zoo to ourselves. "Run little ones, run. Keep those bodies warm!"

 

We hopped from exhibit to exhibit, lingering inside at the elephants, aquarium, reptiles and manatees to warm up before stepping back into the chilly sunshine.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who knew a winter day at the zoo would make for such great photo opportunities? Not only that, but the animals were very active opposed to laying around like they do in the summer.

 

 

Active animals, bundled babes, life capturing mama, sweet sister and nephew/neice plus a large dose of SUNSHINE = happy start to the weekend. There will definitely be more winter outdoor dates in our future!

 

 

 

 

Happy MLK holiday weekend to you!