Main Pic

Main Pic

January 06, 2013

My heart is full

"The unthankful heart discovers no mercy; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings." --Henry Ward Beecher
Yesterday I woke up at 9:30 am (a birthday miracle!) and came downstairs a newly turned 31 year old, but I felt like a child when I saw the streamers, painted watercolor pictures by my boys and wrapped presents.

I was taken back to my childhood and the excitement of coming downstairs on birthday mornings. There were always the handmade birthday signs hanging all over the house created by my siblings and parents with funny drawings and silly poems, homemade birthday cake and festive family parties. We did it up big back then and I continue that tradition with my own kids, who now have what I call the Mommy birthday bug!

My oldest was on a mission last week to do some secret sign making while his Mama was at work and when I came home to give him a goodnight kiss one night, he sleepily told me that he painted me the most fabulous picture and it was up really high and that I couldn't see it until my birthday.

Watercolor by Caden

Then there was the little one handing me my gift begging me to open it, they just couldn't stand the suspense. While I was unwrapping it, I glanced over at my hubby who looked like a boy opening his own birthday gift and I wondered for a moment if it was some sort of electronic as he seemed really excited about the present. I felt the tears welling up when multiple pictures pasted to cardboard spilled from the package with a lovely turquoise guitar strap.  The boys were yelling that Daddy had bought me a guitar and it will be here on Tuesday.
I named her Opal Mae. My great grandma's name was Opal and somehow it just fit the beauty of the guitar. Ya, and I realize I'm weird that I give my guitar a name and identity!
Now she hangs out all day with her guitar boys. They make sweet music.
It was a moment I don't think I will ever forget, a feeling of pure gratitude but also that it was all too much, too kind. The signs, the boys and their precious smiles and "happy birthday mommy's" and hard hugs and then this beautiful guitar and the pride in my husband's eyes that he was able to gift me something so special that both he and I will cherish. I dug deep in that moment as I felt my heart filling up and I prayed out my thank you's and my but this is too much and I felt the tug back, don't push this away, accept it, receive it, find the beauty in it. There was that flit of doubt that perhaps the guitar was a splurge that we didn't need right now, that surely someone doesn't deserve such a wonderful gift simply for turning 31 and after we had decided our new camera would be more than enough this year.

But in that moment, seeing the joy in the eyes of those that I love and cherish, I accepted it and I revelled in the receiving of it as they in the giving. In the kitchen that day I felt the Spirit of love in all it's magnitude come sweeping through our house, and I woke up to  remember what I had forgotten while I allowed myself to doubt. I remembered what life is really about and why we do the things we do. It's not about the signs, birthday cakes or playing the Beatles birthday song, not traditions or expectations that birthdays have to go a certain way, even. It's about the giving and receiving of love in it's purest form. It's about the gift I receive every day when I wake up to give my care and love to my gorgeous and healthy little boys and at night when I go to sleep next to a man who cares so deeply that he finds a 31st birthday a good opportunity to show it. It's about accepting, humbly, the kindness and generosity of love that flows through others in the same way it flows through me when I reach out to give. "We are rich only through what we give, and poor only through what we refuse." --Anne Swetchine

 The best birthday gift of all was being with the ones I love, spending a night out with my guy and hugging my boys. "Whatsoever that be within us that feels, thinks, desires, and animates, is something celestial, divine, and, consequently, imperishable.” --Aristotle
My heart is just full and I am thankful.
Flowers from my mother-in-law :)

My little birdies amongst the birthday cards. Love birds.



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