Every day for me lately has been one that comes around full circle and ends up in the most comforting and safe place. Questions in the morning, wisdom by night. I don't think this has ever happened before. My days seem to go like this: I wake up with gratitude and then I lay out my questions and worries. And by laying them out, what I mean is that I seem to dwell on them for awhile and think about them, let them overwhelm me. I'm working on skipping this step! :) What follows is what I have come to know as "the daily learning process". Little by little I am reminded of the truths that are motivating me specifically. The first is that I need to trust that I am being held, that life is happening just as it should, and that nothing in life is happening by accident. Each day I am given sufficient challenges and equally as many choices to manifest God's spirit back to the world. God is love. So I'm manifesting love back to the world. I do this by living in the present moment which involves being really aware of my thoughts. It can be exhausting at first, to watch the patterns of your thinking especially when you tend to think negatively (me!).
I also make a choice to fill my brain with many beautiful words. For me, scripture first and foremost, then poetry about love, quotations, things that bring me inspiration, a good book, music of all kinds. It's amazing how those things come back to you.
When I start to feel worried or anxious throughout the day, I find my centering ground and I pray. That's what Jesus did. He went off to pray and find some peace in this crazy place. I'm trying this daily, to not think so much about things but instead to just breathe it out of me, to give it away.
I've realized the things I worry about are common human things. I worry about being a good mama and wife. I worry about my kids out there in that great big scary world. Love is so fragile. To love so strongly means you must trust that much more. That's A LOT of trust.
I worry about stupid things like my house being clean, but I think that's just something in me that's off. Happiness = cleanliness?? Still trying to figure that one out.
I feel constantly aware of how I am behaving and that either makes me feel really self conscious, like others are onto me or something, or it empowers me.
Sometimes I can see so clearly the choices in front of me, and I'll be darned if I don't feel like I am being wooed into letting love have the final answer.
I wake up ready to learn how to meet each person and thing with love. It's a goal and challenge and I make so many mistakes but I learn.
So I think that these days, what has been going on in my world, are defining moments. It is reminiscent of those times in life which you look back on and you see clearly what was happening and why; and consequently how you grew and changed into a better person having gone through it. I am growing and evolving and I am learning to love.
I feel grateful that I am alive.
You've got it all wrong. You didnt come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling.
Demonstrated through the beauty of messing up. Often. You didnt come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesnt need any other adjectives. It doesnt require modifiers. It doesnt require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as you. Its enough. Its plenty."
I am blessed by you, whoever is reading this, because you have intersected my path in some way and that is a sign of love.